Robert Kraft's office at Gillette Stadium. There is a knock at the door.
Kraft: Come in.
Gronkowski: Sup, B-Kraf. Good to see you, my man.
Kraft: Hey, Rob. Good to see you. [They do elaborate and awkward handshake.] Glad to see you could make it. You're a few hours late for our meeting.
Gronkowski: Yeah. I know. I overslept. Then I nailed your secretary out there on her desk. She's a nice piece of ass, B-Kraf. You've done well for yourself. [They do another elaborate and incredibly awkward handshake.]
Kraft: Well, I assume you've heard why I called you in here today.
Gronkowski: No. I was thinking we were getting our morning drink on.
Kraft: No. Although it's along those lines.
Kraft: You've had quite an offseason. Nudity, drunkeness, partying, game shows, women of all kinds. General douchery.
Gronkowski: It has indeed been awesome.
Kraft: And that's on top of the thing with the porn star last season.
Gronkowski: No doubt, bro. Best year ever.
Kraft: Well, I just want to make sure it doesn't get out of hand.
Gronkowski: Come on, brah, sir. Are you saying I have to stop?
Kraft: No. I'm not saying that. But I want to make sure you know where to stop.
Gronkowski: Okay. Where is that? You mean pull out? Because I do that most of the time already.
Kraft: Well, yes. Pull out. But it's not that. I need to make sure you don't become black.
Gronkowski: Black, sir, brah?
Kraft: Yes. All the stuff you're doing is okay if you're white. You're just a young guy, living it up, having fun, taking in the opportunities his fame and money provide. But if you're black? That would be a very different perception. Lots of people would hate you and see you as all that is wrong with sports. Instead of the fun-loving frat boy, you'd be an immoral, threatening thug. We don't want that kind of person associated with the Patriots, understand?
Gronkowski: So I shouldn't become black?
Kraft: Correct. Just make sure you stay a white person and all will be okay.
Gronkowski: Can I still nail black chicks?
Kraft: Fine by me.
Gronkowski: Nice. I think I saw one on the way in.
Kraft: Thanks for the meeting, Rob. Enjoy your day.
Gronkowski: No doubt, B-Kraf. No doubt.