NCAA president Mark Emmert today used the new, wide-ranging executive powers he established with his Penn State punishment and gutted Notre Dame's athletic department, citing "institutional arrogance."
"If you want to talk about someone thinking they're above reproach, you think Notre Dame," said Emmert. "I mean, these people still demand to have a say in how the BCS is run. And for what? The last time they were relevant I had brown hair. It's laughable. Institutional arrogance defines the entire Notre Dame athletic department. Screw them."
Emmert brought the hammer down on Notre Dame, fining them a record $150 million that will go towards funding anti-Notre Dame advertising, stripping the football team of 20 scholarships per year, banning them from the postseason until 2025 and vacating all of their wins since 1995.
"So what's that — like, 15 total wins? They suck. Big deal," said Emmert. "Also, they shouldn't lose any sleep over being kept out of bowls. They lose when they make them anyway."
Emmert expressed frustration that the NCAA could't punish Notre Dame in a way the university would feel it more.
"It's just that they're so bad, it's hard to do anything that really hurts them," he said. "Like I said, what does keeping Notre Dame out of a bowl game do? History is not changed in any way."
Notre Dame immediately issued a statement condemning Emmert's actions.
"Oh, please. Everyone is just jealous of how awesome we are," read the statement. "We do not accept the NCAA's decision because Notre Dame is more important than the NCAA. They would be nothing without us. Notre Dame is bigger than college sports."
College presidents around the country expressed concern over Emmert's growing power, but all unanimously expressed that they were okay with him wielding his hammer on Notre Dame.
"Sometimes dictators can be awesome," said one president.