Old BCS Computer to be Reprogrammed and Used to Determine World’s No. 1 Dad

Old BCS Computer to be Reprogrammed and Used to Determine Worlds No 1 Dad – Image 1
The BCS computer has reportedly found a new job. Scheduled for the junk heap following the 2013 college football season with the onset of college football playoffs, the old desktop has been rescued by DADS – Determining Awesomest Dad Systematically, an organization that oversees the World's No. 1 Dad designation.

"We were ecstatic to get our hands on the BCS computer," said Glenn Hansmik, chairman of DADS. "For a long time we have needed to come up with a better way to determine the World's No. 1 Dad beyond someone getting that designation simply due to their kids or wife having $8.99 to spend on a t-shirt, hat or mug at a junk store. The BCS computer — or should I say: the DADS computer — will help end some of that confusion at the top of the poll."

Starting in 2014, the computer will be reprogrammed with a formula to determine World's No. 1 Dad. The formula will weigh a wide range of data, from time spent with children and income to style of jeans and mustache.

"This is the way to go," said Hansmik. "Last year alone there were 13 million dads worldwide claiming to be World's No. 1. That's absurd. There can only be one."

But with the new system not scheduled to begin for two more years, already some have started to complain.

"This isn't fair," said Bill Gregory, a father of three who got a World's No. 1 Dad foam and mesh hat for Father's Day 2009. "How can a computer determine the best dad? The only way to do this for real is to have a dad tournament."

But until that tournament is in place — a tournament that would most likely consist of dads working the grill while simultaneously watching their kids and fixing a loose plank of wood on the deck — the new BCS-inspired system will have to suffice.

"I don't want to get to the place where we have an 8 or 16 or 64-dad tournament," said Hansmik. "That's what the World's No. 1 Grandpa people did and look what happened. It was too taxing and all the grandpas died."

Advertisement