NBC Decides to Hold News That London Has Been Destroyed by a Giant Dragon

NBC Decides to Hold News That London Has Been Destroyed by a Giant Dragon – Image 1
While media organizations the world over today clamored to cover perhaps the most amazing news story in history — the total destruction of the city of London by a giant, fire-breathing dragon — American Olympics rights holder NBC chose to not report the news until their primetime broadcast of the Games tonight.

NBC Sports Chairman Mark Lazarus defended the network's decision.

"Day after day at the Olympics we bring the biggest events and news of the day to our viewers in primetime, as though they are happening then," said Lazarus. "Today's big news was that the Olympics are cancelled because that dragon that came out of nowhere killed everyone. There's no way we're running that at 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon when half the nation is at work. The ratings back me up on this."

Lazarus said the decision to hold the dragon story was unanimous among NBC executives, "although, granted, most of them were killed in the attack and didn't have a say."

Despite the complaints from many viewers who wish to watch all the Olympic events live on television, before they see the outcomes on the Internet, NBC representatives have repeatedly stressed that the average viewer wants more than just sports.

"Many viewers, our average viewer in middle America, also tune in for the human interest stories we tell," said Lazarus. "And we have an epic tale tonight: millions of humans being wiped out by an angry dragon. It will be ratings gold."

NBC is already promoting tonight's broadcast with ads heavy on the Olympic flame and the line "our most explosive night of coverage yet."