Reasons to Root For/Against All 16 Euro Cup Nations

Reasons to Root ForAgainst All 16 Euro Cup Nations – Image 17

Group A

Euro Cup – Image 1

Reason to root against: Russian nesting dolls

What a crap gift. Just because you figured out a way to fit all of the fat wooden dolls inside the biggest one doesn't mean you get a pass for giving me increasingly smaller gifts. "Oh, wow. A smaller one. I wonder what's inside this one! Yep. An even tinier one." Maybe it's the way Russians teach their children about the country's declining influence in the world over time. "Once we were huge! Now … eh. We're a wobbly, half-inch of wood."

Reason to root for: Monkeys in space

The United States started sending monkeys to space in 1948, but stopped the practice almost completely by the early '60s. Not the Russians. They had monkeys orbiting Earth as late as 1997. And for that they are to be commended.

Reasons to Root ForAgainst All 16 Euro Cup Teams – Image 2

Reason to root against: You mean other than the fact that their fiscal incompetence could bring down the entire world economy?

Okay. Ouzo tastes like ass.

Reason to root for: Economic impact

If they win the Euro Cup, maybe in the celebrations the entire country is burned to the ground and we no longer have to worry about their debt.

Reasons to Root ForAgainst All 16 Euro Cup Teams – Image 2

Reason to root against: Look at that flag

It's an old, tired stereotype to say that Polish people are stupid. They are not. However, they are obviously not creative. Please update all of your Polish jokes. "How many Polish people does it take to design a national flag? None. There was obviously no thought to design in the Polish flag."

Reason to root for: They're the hosts

For centuries the Polish people have seen other nations come into their country and defeat them. It would be kind of cool if that didn't happen just once.

Czech Republic
Reasons to Root ForAgainst All 16 Euro Cup Teams – Image 4

Reason to root against: Women

Czech women are regarded by many to be the most beautiful in the world. So, you know what? Screw the Czech men's soccer team. They've had enough blessings in life already.

Reason to root for: Beer consumption

The Czech Republic has the highest beer consumption per capita in the world. If they win, that will only go up. Then, when they're all drunk or hungover, you can make a move on their women.