Maniacal U.S. Open Course Superintendent Grows Rough an Extra 1/8th of an Inch

Maniacal US Open Course Superintendent Grows Rough an Extra 18th of an Inch – Image 1
Pat Finlen, the course superintendent at the Olympic Club, has reportedly allowed the rough at the 2012 U.S. Open track to grow a full 1/8th of an inch longer this week, a move that will be sure to torment the players in the season's second major.

"This guy is a psychopath," said golfer Davis Love III. "I've seen some sick shit in my day. I've played golf all over the world. But the rough is now at a height that makes it almost like a hazard. You have to just hack the ball out up the fairway. This motherf—ker needs to be committed."

While some golfers who have played practice rounds at Olympic this week say the rough is standard for a U.S. Open course, other insist it's definitely at least 1/8th of an inch longer.

"You calling me a liar?" said Phil Mickelson. "This shit is longer. Way longer. If I see that Pat Finlen, I'm going to cock-punch him, the dick. Tell him Phil Mickelson is going to kick his white ass."

Finlen said the rough length is his decision and that player gripes won't change his mind.

"Y'all wanna step to this? Step," said Finlen. "I'll grow up the grass over your graves, bitches."

Regardless of how the length of the rough compares to other U.S. Opens, CBS announcer Jim Nantz says the controversy has taken on a life off its own.

"This shit cray," he said. "Motherf—kas goin' in."