Angry BCS Computer Unleashes Crippling, Worldwide Computer Virus

Angry BCS Computer Unleashes Crippling, Worldwide Computer Virus – Image 1
A four-team college football playoff was voted into effect in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday night by university presidents. Beginning with the 2014 season a panel will select the playoff participants, effectively ending the era of the BCS computer.

But the computer did not go down without a fight. Late Tuesday night, just hours after the vote was completed, the BCS computer unleashed a virus that crippled computers throughout the world. The virus shut down banking systems, credit card transactions, satellites and computers that manage infrastructure such as stoplights, air traffic control and shipping canals.

Chaos erupted across the globe as Wednesday dawned.

"We attempted to remove the BCS computer from power," said President Obama, who has long supported a college football playoff. "Our hope was that it would never again be able wreak havoc on the college football world. Unfortunately, now it has done only more damage to the world as a whole." The president then had to cut off his remarks as a horde of cannibals tried to invade the South Lawn.

The BCS virus was spread via e-mail, Facebook and Twitter messages that read: "Yes! The BCS is dead!" If a computer user clicked on the link accompanying that story, their computer sent out a duplicate message to everyone in its address book and then was rendered useless. The virus spread worldwide in four minutes.

U.S. forces have been dispatched to destroy the computer before more damage is done, but military attempts have so far been unsuccessful.

"When the BCS was designed, it was assumed the computer would one day be attacked by angry, non-BCS conference affiliated mobs due to the inherent unfairness of the system," said SEC commissioner Mike Slive. "So it was placed deep within a heavily fortified bunker. We never imagined that decision could backfire."

If nothing is done soon, it is expected that all computers the world over will be destroyed, pushing the globe into a technology-free apocalypse. Ironically, that would also level the playing field and create a survival of the fittest format – a sort of worldwide life playoff.

"I get the sense that many people are terrified," said Slive. "But I think SEC country will still do very well under the new system. Many people live down here just fine without computers. I don't even know how to turn one on. Life will be the same for me."