Scientists Announce They Have Successfully Mapped the Clutch Gene

Scientists Announce They Have Successfully Mapped the Clutch Gene – Image 1
Geneticists working with the Human Genome Project happily announced today that they have successfully uncovered and mapped the clutch gene, which determines human performance late in sporting events.

"There has long been a discussion in the scientific community about nature versus nurture when it comes to clutchness," said Craig Kent, who led the team that discovered the gene. "Many thought it was something an athlete could control via courage and mental toughness and simply wanting the ball. But now we know for sure that someone is either born clutch or they aren't. Only a small percentage of the population is born with the clutch gene."

Like many great scientific breakthroughs, the clutch gene discovery has many practical real-world implications.

"Teams will now be able to test prospective draft picks for the clutch gene," said Kent. "Would a player like Dwight Howard still be taken No. 1 overall if it was determined that he is clutch gene negative? Where would someone like Robert Horry have been drafted? This will replace scouting departments with labs."

The discovery of the clutch gene will not only shake up the way players are evaluated by teams. Sports radio and TV debate shows will also be impacted.

"What will they talk about if they can't yell and scream about who is, or is not, clutch? We will know, scientifically, who is or isn't. There will be no debate," said Kent. "And by putting these shows off the air, I like to think this might be the most significant and positive scientific breakthrough of this century."