One week after the NFL released its "Most Textbook Tackles and Softest Hits" DVD, 60 minutes of gentle football action set to the music of Enya, sales have yet to crack the one dozen mark.
"It's not what we probably hoped for as far as sales go," said commissioner Roger Goodell. "But I don't see this so much as a profit-maker, but as an educational tool to inform football fans of where we intend to take the game."
The defenses of the Buccaneers, Bills and Vikings are featured prominently in the footage, as they attempt to tackle opponents around their shoes, softly push them towards the sidelines or politely request they fall to the ground. Dolphins running back Reggie Bush is also seen frequently throughout the DVD running out of bounds. No Steelers, Ravens or 49ers players appear.
"Most Textbook Tackles and Softest Hits" is the league's attempt to pick up where its popular former VHS series featuring titles such as "NFL's Greatest Hits" and "NFL's Hardest Hits: The Best of Thunder and Destruction" left off, but without glorifying violence or contact or speed or toughness or strength or any of the other things that make football popular.
Despite the poor sales for "NFL's Most Textbook Tackles and Softest Hits," the league has no plans to delay its upcoming DVD releases: "Roger Goodell's Greatest Fines and Suspensions" and "Hey! Flag Football is Fun, Don't You Think?".