Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh and his wife, Adrienne, welcomed into the world early this morning a SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT IS IT!
Checking in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 inches long, the baby boy WHY IS IT BLOWING FIRE OUT OF ITS NOSTRILS?! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?! CALL THE ARMY?! HELP US BEFORE IT KILLS US ALL!!!
The boy is the first child for the couple, who married last summer, and AAHH! IT BIT ME! THAT THING BIT ME! TRY TO SHOVE IT BACK INSIDE!!! WAIT, NO! DON'T TOUCH IT! IT MAY BE AN ALIEN DRAGON!
The new member of the Bosh family arrived at 3:00 a.m. this morning at University of Miami Hospital where IT'S FLYING AROUND THE ROOM! HIT IT! HIT IT WITH A BROOM! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S ON MY BACK! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!!!
Sources close to the couple say that Bosh is beaming over the arrival of HELP ME! HELP! IT'S LAYING EGGS INSIDE OF ME! WHY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!
The couple hopes to have their baby at home with them by NOOOOO! IT'S LOOSE! EVERYONE RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!