At the Gym: Issue #21

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

This sounds like it's from a slapstick comedy, but it's 100-percent true and that's why it's so funny.

There is an older guy, maybe early 50s, at my gym who is a total creep. He tries to act young and hit on women much younger than him, but just comes across as pathetic and desperate. The best example of this is the jet black toupee that he wears. Picture Bill Self's "hair," and then dye it black and cut the quality of the piece by half because the guy at my gym isn't a millionaire.

Tuesday night this guy is working on a lat machine, pulling the bar down behind his neck, sees an attractive young girl walking by, gives her a nod and then starts really going hard on the machine — to impress her, I guess. Just as she is passing by, his toupee gets caught by the hook on the lat bar and up off his head it goes, stuck to the bar, with his bald-ass head now beaming out for the whole world to see.

He didn't even notice for five or six more reps. He then stopped and hurriedly unhooked his hair and put his toupee back on without looking up. I didn't see him hit on anyone else that night.

– Sean

There is a douchebag at my gym who everyone hates. He is in pretty good shape, but not anything you don't see at any other gym. One night I heard him asking one of the gym workers if he could schedule some time to bring in a camera crew because he was planning to put up a video on YouTube of himself working out to "open some eyes."

This was three weeks ago and I haven't seen him since. So this week I asked the gym worker, who I'm friendly with, if the guy ever did his film. She said that he tried to, but there was an accident. Apparently he tried to jump on top of an exercise ball holding two 45-pound plates and the ball immediately slipped out from under him and he fell backwards into a mirror, cutting the top of his head pretty bad.

I have looked, but unfortunately can't find this on YouTube anywhere. It probably wasn't the kind of video he was hoping to make.

– Michelle

I recently moved to Texas and noticed that this great state has a particular variation of the classic gym guy. Texas Gym Guy distinguishes himself from the standard Gym Guy variety by a few things: You know he's there not only because of the death metal and Garth Brooks playlist crackling out of the headphones on his 4 megabyte mp3, but also because of the three 45s on each side of the three bars on the three benches he's simultaneously occupying because he feels the need to circuit train with the regular, decline, and elevated bench. Also, the Lone Star Flag and crucifix inked on his arm is a nice touch.

In the words of Tim Riggins: Texas Forever.

– David

There is hot tub on the far end of my gym locker room behind a bank of lockers. Yesterday this old guy waddles over there in his swim trunks, steps on into the water and loudly groans for all to hear: "Ohhhhhhhh my hemorrhoids." I don't know if the warm, bubbling water was hurting his hemorrhoids or soothing them. What I do know is that I'm never going in that hot tub again.

– Austin

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Send your "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" stories to OverheardSP at gmail.