*1.* Don't speak to a pitcher who has a no-hitter or perfect game going.
2. Don't step on the foul lines.
3. Urinate on your hands to toughen them up.
4. Don't sleep with the wife of a teammate who is hitting over .300.
5. Sacrifice a chicken in the clubhouse if you make the first or third out at home.
6. Never play for the Royals.
7. When your team plane crosses over the Mississippi, always stab the nearest rookie in the leg with a dinner fork.
8. Don't speak to a teammate who is a big jerk, unless he has a no-hitter or perfect game going.
9. Don't eat soup while playing centerfield.
10. Never kill a prostitute after a day game.
11. Never run the wrong way around the bases.
12. Don't let the other team see you stealing their signs.
13. Always ride a pony from the hotel to the stadium when playing in Cincinnati.
14. Punch your manager in the face if he asks you to bunt.
15. Don't slide headfirst if you're free-balling it.
16. Give Alex Rodriguez the finger if you get to third base against the Yankees.
17. When there is a full moon, put a dab of semen on your batting gloves.
18. Grow some really douchey facial hair if you are a relief pitcher
19. When off the field, wear Ed Hardy or Affliction t-shirts until you turn 45.
20. Make fun of the fattest guy on your team for being fat.
21. Don't keep snakes inside your batting helmet.
22. Use chewing tobacco until you get a big tumor in your face.
23. If you play for the Cubs, just kill yourself.
24. Never shove the rosin bag in your rectum if you're trailing after the 7th inning.
25. Take a ton of steroids if you want to hit more home runs or are in a contract year.