*1915:* Ty Cobb is injured when he breaks a beer bottle over Ty Cobb's head for being a dick.
1949: Ben Hogan slams his car into the front of a Greyhound bus in a misguided attempt to make golf seem exciting.
1985: Joe Theismann lines up behind center in complete disregard of the fact that Lawrence Taylor still plays football.
1988: Greg Oden is born.
1989-2010: Ken Griffey, Jr. plays baseball. (At least one of those several dozen trips to the DL had to have been his fault.)
1998: Cal Ripken, Jr. watches an evening of CBS' primetime lineup, instantly making himself an old person and effectively ending his consecutive games streak.
2001: Bill GramÃ¡tica tears his ACL while celebrating a successful field goal, setting off a chain-reaction in which millions of Americans injured abdominal muscles while laughing.
2004: Sammy Sosa has a violent sneezing fit, expelling his playing ability permanently. Much of his melanin is also lost in the incident.
2008: Plaxico Burress shoots himself in the leg, forever securing his place on self-inflicted injury lists.
2012: Amare Stoudemire punches his hand through the glass casing of a fire extinguisher, giving his team's fans an excuse for the Knicks inevitably getting swept out of the playoffs.
1910-present: Idiots in Spain decide to entice an enraged animal with horns to chase them.
– – – – –