11 Kentucky Derby Drinks That Aren’t the Mint Julep

Mint Julep "Jockey Style" 10 Kentucky Derby Drinks That Aren't the Mint Julep – Image 2

Make a traditional Mint Julep. Except instead of a regular glass, use a thimble.

Elite Mint Julep

A favorite of the horse owners! Make a traditional Mint Julep using only the most expensive, name brand ingredients — including melted glacier water and flecks of real gold — and then drink it out of a poor person's skull.

Degenerate's Julep

Lose the last bit of your savings betting on a long-shot on a random race on a Tuesday night. Then pick a half empty Budweiser can out of the trash and drink it.

Calipari Julep

Pay for all of the best Mint Julep ingredients. Age them for one year — NO LONGER! Drink and then do it all over again.

Pitino Julep

Make the strongest Mint Julep you can. Chug it in 15 seconds or less. If you get really drunk and start misbehaving, just blame it on 9/11.

Brew of Barbaro

Collect the tears of a fat woman with lots of cats. Mix with horse blood and horse semen and drink it through a straw made from a hollowed-out equine leg bone.

Yum! Brands Brandy Slurry

Inspired by Yum! Brands, the official sponsor of the Kentucky Derby and the corporate umbrella of such national chain restaurants as Taco Bell and KFC. Fill a blender with brandy, Doritos Locos Tacos and KFC Double Down sandwiches, blend until frothy and serve! Enjoyed best near a bathroom with plenty of toilet paper.

Kentucky Derby Infield Delight

Unlike the Mint Julep, this is the drink of real Kentuckians. Fill up an empty 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew with some of your cousin's moonshine. Add a dash of meth and then garnish with a cigarette butt. Enjoy!

Fancy Hat Kool-Aid

Mix up a batch of the brightest Kool-Aid you can find that you think would stain the best. Then find the woman with the most ridiculous Kentucky Derby hat. "Accidentally" trip and spill it all over her. Laugh. Point. Laugh again.

Horse Hose Water

Get all of your handlers expensive drinks through your sweat, blood and hard work, and then have some guy give you a drink out of a disgusting hose that was laying in a pile of shit two minutes ago.

Triple Crown Season Iced Tea

Get a big glass and fill it up with every hard liquor at your disposal. Drink until you start to find horse racing interesting.