Jaguars at Vikings
Tune in to see which quarterback picked in the 1st Round of the 2011 NFL Draft sucks more: Christian Ponder or Blaine Gabbert! (It's Gabbert, but don't sleep on Ponder's awfulness.)
Chiefs at Bills
For some reason this is being played in Buffalo. The NFL needs to schedule the worst Bills games for Toronto. We don't need this abomination on American soil.
Bills at Browns
Yes, the Bills play the Chiefs and Browns back-to-back. If the NFL folds one day, it won't be due to brain injuries. It will be because the 2012 Bills turned too many fans off to the sport.
Dolphins at Cardinals
Too bad. Just think how almost watchable this game would be if either team had been able to get Peyton Manning.
Titans at Vikings
Chris Johnson vs. Adrian Peterson. Flip this game on and reminisce about 2010. I suggest watching with your Susan Boyle album playing in the background.
Chiefs at Buccaneers
This is about as bad as a division rivalry game as you can get. What's that? They're not in the same division? Oh, well excuse me for not knowing random facts about awful NFL teams, jerk!
Browns at Colts
With Andrew Luck already drafted, what are these teams sucking for now? Sorry, Cleveland, but when it comes to slogans, "Play flat for Matt [Barkley]" is almost as bad as you are at the football.
Buccaneers at Vikings
The Metrodome needs to be replaced and the Buccaneers are completely ignored, even in their hometown. There's no better time than today to bring in the wrecking balls.
Panthers at Redskins
Cam Newton! RG3! Absolutely no one else!
*Colts at Jaguars*
The fairly dim lights of Thursday Night Football will be shining on Jacksonville. You know, sometimes you're actually quite lucky if you're one of the people who don't get NFL Network.
Browns at Cowboys
"Whaddaya mean?! The Cowboys are a brand name team full of big-name players!" Fine. But explain how their seasons really differ much from what the Browns do every year.
Seahawks at Dolphins
From Seattle all the way to Miami. You literally couldn't travel farther in the mainland United States to do something people care about less.
Cleveland at Oakland
Oooh. I love watching the Blight Bowl. The mayors should bet each other food items known to their respective city, such as Hobo's Own Leather Boot Soup or Rat Meat Stew.
Chiefs at Browns
Wow. This is the fifth Browns game on this list. Just imagine if the Bengals were still terrible, giving Cleveland two more unwatchable game. I could have saved a lot of time and just reprinted the 2012 Cleveland Browns schedule for this piece instead of writing up a whole article. Damn Bengals.
Seahawks at Bills
There we go. This game was shipped off to Toronto. Suck it, Canada. You will be our landfill of NFL trash and like it.
Rams at Buccaneers
Every year there are games that initially look bad when the schedule is released, but turn out to be important and exciting because both teams have surprisingly good seasons. This is not one of those games.
Cowboys at Redskins
It's the Cowboys' last game of December. Unless you see this more as a "so bad it's good" kind of game. I know I do. December Cowboys is the most entertaining show there is.