Heat Replace Erik Spoelstra with Hologram Auerbach

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Following the groundbreaking Coachella performance where a holographic Tupac Shakur performed alongside a live Snoop Dogg, the Miami Heat fired head coach Erik Spoelstra and replaced him with a hologram of former Celtics coach Red Auerbach.

"Coach Auerbach has a long history of success with superstar-led teams and we think he's the right man to lead the Miami Heat to an NBA title," said Heat president Pat Riley. "Between my five rings and his nine, we're sure to get at least one out of this experiment."

The Heat will use a combination of original voice recordings and re-mixed vocals to make it seem like Auerbach is actually speaking to the current Heat players. To aid in the process, Mario Chalmers has been forced to legally change his name to "Bob", while Joel Anthony now goes by "Russ".

"Giving up my name is a small price to pay to help this team," Russ Anthony said. "Besides, I'm still just happy to have a job. They probably could've replaced me with a hologram and been no worse off."

Auerbach, who last coached in 1966 and died in 2006, said he was excited about the opportunity to return to the bench.

"Just do what you do best," he said, via a 30-year-old recording. He went on to add. "And what… I do… best… is winning."

Holo-Bach will be on the bench for the Heat starting with tonight's game against the Nets. He enters the game six wins shy of Bill Fitch for ninth on the NBA's all-time list, though he'll be facing New Jersey for the first time. However, the Heat don't foresee Auerbach struggling to adjust to the modern NBA.

"He's a pre-programmed Hologram who'll do whatever I tell him to do," Riley said. "It's much like when Stan Van Gundy was coaching the team, with less nacho cheese residue on the bench."

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