Disillusioned Metta World Peace Changes His Name to Military Industrial Complex

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Saying that he has a "new, more realistic outlook on the world," Lakers forward Metta World Peace officially filed paperwork today to change his name to Military Industrial Complex.

"I am older and wiser today that I was at 31 when I changed my name to Metta World Peace. I am 32 now," said Complex, who was originally known as Ron Artest. "I no longer have that naive, idealistic viewpoint of the world. True world peace is not realistic. That sounds cold, but it's the truth. There's some ugly shit in the world. All we can do is look out for ourselves. For our own safety and wealth. That's all that matters."

Complex says he now feels foolish to have called himself World Peace.

"It was a sign of weakness," he said. "I can't be weak in a world full of death and war and flagrant fouls."

Complex's Lakers teammates say they welcome the new name.

"Hey, we'd all love world peace," said Kobe Bryant. "But we've got the playoffs coming up. I'd much rather go to battle with Military Industrial Complex than Metta World Peace."

Lakers center Andrew Bynum also announced he is considering changing his name to Ennui.

"All great NBA big men go through an existential crisis at some point during their careers," said Bynum. "It's the explanation for Dwight Howard's behavior and Shaq's rap career. What I am going through is natural."

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