Just minutes after Magic Johnson and his investor team signed the final legal documents transferring ownership of the Los Angeles Dodgers, the entire upper deck of Dodger Stadium broke free and crashed to the ground.
"I can't say I'm happy this happened, considering I just paid $2 billion for the team," said Johnson. "But if it was going to happen, it's good it did now and not during the season when there are fans at the stadium. A lot of people would have been hurt."
An initial examination of the rubble shows that the upper deck appears to have been affixed to the lower deck with Scotch tape.
"Dodger Stadium is one of the oldest parks in baseball. It opened in 1962," said now former Dodgers owner Frank McCourt. "It needed upkeep, but I simply didn't have the cash on hand to do it."
While admitting that much of the structural renovations of the stadium during his time as owner were done with tape designed for wrapping gifts or doing children's crafts, McCourt pointed out that much stronger materials were used, as well.
"I won't be painted as the bad guy here," he said, stepping through the rubble. "Look here on that support beam. That's duct tape. You ever try to unstick duct tape? It's pretty much impossible. I also personally went through seven containers of Elmer's keeping the press box on the stadium. If that's not up to code, then building codes are far too extreme."
Johnson says he will do his best to have the stadium ready to go by Opening Day.
"The thing is, I spent $2 billion to buy the team," he said. "I have zero money left to spend on stadium renovations. From what I see, much of the tape can probably be re-used. I think we just need another few rolls, a glue gun and maybe some staples and we'll be open for business. I'm sure fans will feel as safe coming to Dodger Stadium as they normally do."