From a Coach: Issue #21

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

My high school basketball team was pretty good. One game we were playing poorly against an inferior team. Right at halftime we turn it over and they score to end the half. Usually at half coach would go somewhere to collect his thoughts before he talked to us. But this time he runs into the locker room and starts screaming at us, the Freshman try and walk in behind him and he kicks them all out.

On his way out he punts a trash can and spills trash all over the room. We are all stunned and don't know what to do. He comes back in a few minutes later to give us a halftime talk, this time letting the Freshman come in with water. He walks in, sees the trash on the ground and turns to them and says, "Why the f*ck haven't you cleaned this sh*t up yet?"

– Bradley

My high school soccer team was fairly terrible. My school had only had a soccer program for a few years and we got crushed by most of the teams in the area. One day our coach was attempting to teach us how to have better touch with the ball and he gathered us around in a circle and dumbed a bag of balls out on the field in front of us. He then announced: "Gentlemen, these are your balls. I want you to treat them like they are your balls. Do you kick your balls hard? No you are gentle with your balls. Now go treat your balls right."

We remained a terrible soccer team, but I better understood how to put touch on the ball.

– Kevin

I played football in college for a small engineering school. We had a coach that was quite a character and I have too many stories to tell about him, so I'll just share a few.

When we were freshman, before two a days started, he had a meeting with all the incoming freshman. He told us, "I know your all smart, hell, you've got to be smart to be in engineering, you have to know what things like torque are. I'll tell you what torque is. Torque is when you wake up with a 9-inch hard on and push it down to take a piss and your heels come off the floor."

In a post-game TV interview, "We had an interception chance and dropped it, an interception chance is a lot like a date with the homecoming queen, seal the deal.

In a TV interview, "We're like a homely girl on her honeymoon, busy."

The paper asked him one day how it was being a grandpa and he said, "It's alright I guess, but I guess that means I'm sleeping with a grandma now."

Given our geographical location, we didn't have a lot of black kids on our team. We had one when I redshirted, and one when I was a senior. One day my senior year when we were stretching, I was telling a story about the guy that was on our team when I was a freshman. The story had nothing to do about his race, just a story about him. Our coach came running over and kept interrupting me and shushing me. I didn't think too much of it and just quit my story. It was during two-a-days and we were staying in the dorms. When he came to do our bed check, he came in the room and shut the door behind him. He started screaming at me and said, "you can't be telling stories like that anymore, we have one of them on the team this year."

– Tyrel

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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.