Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard today expressed an intense love for the City of Orlando, Magic fans, head coach Stan Van Gundy, his teammates and the entire Magic organization.
"This is exactly the kind of commitment we have been waiting to hear from Dwight," said Magic owner Rich DeVos. "I was ecstatic when I heard Dwight had said this, signalling he hopes to remain with the Magic for his entire career."
But those who were present when Howard made the statement after a morning shoot-around suspect the big man many have stated his love for Orlando sarcastically.
"I know basketball. I'm not a body language expert," said general manager Otis Smith. "But the fact that Dwight was making a wanking motion the whole time he was talking makes me wonder if he wasn't 100-percent serious. Especially how when he said 'I want to remain with the Magic for my entire career,' he pretended to ejaculate into the air and then he slumped over like he was dead."
Howard insists he was serious in his statements about staying a member of the Magic.
"Oh, yeah. Totally serious. What would make you think I was being sarcastic," he asked, now furiously faux-wanking with both hands while rolling his eyes.
Howard has been reportedly on his way out of Orlando all season, but so far a trade has yet to come through.
"Dwight is only 26 and is one of the best big men to come along in years, but I'm sure that even at this late date we can get a fair return for him in a trade," general manager Smith said with a wanking motion.