With the regular season quickly approaching, Yankee executives are quietly becoming concerned about team captain Derek Jeter's inability to decide which unbelievably hot woman he is going to date for the 2012 season.
"We've heard that there are plenty of options available, including at least three South American supermodels, two actresses, and four porn stars, but Derek hasn't finalized anything yet," Yankee general manager Brian Cashman said. "It's a concern. You hope to have these things out of the way by now so he can focus on baseball. Plus, it doesn't only affect him. What is the YES Network going to do if they can't cut to some hot chick every time Derek comes up to bat?"
The pressure on Jeter to finalize a girlfriend takes on extra importance in light of Alex Rodriguez dating former WWE diva Torrie Wilson, meaning if nothing changes, YES would be forced to decide between shots of a muscular woman in her late 30s or no player girlfriends at all.
"It's okay for one of them to start the season without a hot girlfriend but for both of them to not be dating anyone worthy of gossiping about? That's just disrespecting the whole organization, I'm ashamed to be their teammates at this point," Yankees right fielder Nick Swisher said. "I really hope they step up and do the right thing."
The blogosphere did briefly heat up last month with news that Yankee outfielder Brett Gardner had begun dating a supporting actress from several Broadway musicals but when this was brought up to Yankee co-owner Hank Steinbrenner, he laughed saying that he'd rather "put the camera on a drunken hobo pissing in the alley."
"I know Gardner's trying his hardest and I thank him for it, but this is really on A-Rod and Jeter," Steinbrenner said.
"They know how New York works. They keep dating hot, famous girls so that we can exploit their bodies to help ratings when the team fails to meet expectations. It's not exactly rocket science."
While Jeter is still considering options, he assured team officials that everything would be okay, stating that if all else fails, ex-girlfriend Minka Kelly would probably take him back since she calls him "like 15 times a day."