Item #1: Broncos TEBOW (15) Painted Key
Actual product description: "Are you a Tim Tebow fan? Add this key to your key chain and proclaim your support in everyday situations—even when all your other sports gear is in the wash!"
Should you buy one?: Yes! Look at that blue and orange marker craftsmanship! If you don't buy one, you'll crush the entrepreneurial spirit of the 4th grader who made this.
Item #2: Tim Tebow Water Bottle Cozy
Actual product description: "This water bottle cozy can be used around your favorite soft drink or beer bottle. We have this one made but are willing to take orders for other teams or players. Please contact us with questions."
Should you buy one?: No. Hey, seller – so we can ask questions? Here's one: How dare you suggest putting a Tim Tebow cozy over a beer bottle? You better start making some handmade fire suits, because you're going to be spending eternity in hell.
Item #3: new york jet qb Tim Tebow
Actual product description: "With all the recent addition of Peyton Mannng to Denver, Tim Tebow found himself out of a starting job in search of a new home. Tebow-mania landed in New York and this is what he will look like in his new threads as a Jet. […] Great for the ManCave!"
Should you buy one?: Yes! If you're some superficial art snob, you're probably saying: "But this looks all wrong!" Well … duh! You obviously know nothing about art. It looks all wrong because it is a portrait of Tim Tebow throwing a football. Nothing should look right about it. It is perfect.
Item #4: T Bone Notecard
Actual product description: "T Bone loves his football star."
Should you buy one?: Are you kidding? Of course you should buy one! For only $3.50, you can own the zenith of America's love affair with humble, motivated white athletes and dog art. All of our history was leading to this moment. God bless. And God bless America.