According to reports out of San Francisco Giants spring training, team closer Brian Wilson is sporting a large, black beard.
"Yes, the beard," said Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval. "I noticed there was hair growing out of his face. He still seems really proud of it."
Giants pitcher Ryan Vogelsong corroborated that report.
"It is thick and darkly colored," said the starter. "I don't know where he comes up with it. Well, no. I guess I do. He just doesn't shave. Man. Hilarious. Hilarious with the not shaving. What a character!"
Giants pitchers and catchers reported to training camp last weekend and Wilson immediately established his authority in the locker room.
"Whoa. Brohims. Hear this now, remember it always. The area you see before you is designated solely for the beard, El Bearderino, the Beard Dog," he said, drawing an imaginary circle around his locker. "None shall cross it lest they find themselves in a world of black ops pain."
"Next, some rules on how you and yours shall approach me for autographing your valuables," Wilson continued talking, despite all of his teammates filing out of the locker room to the field to begin stretching.
"I don't really understand what the younger generation finds funny," said Giants manager Bruce Bochy. "For example, I've seen this 'Tosh.0' and I just don't really get it. And I sometimes grow facial hair, yet I'm not seen as hilarious like Brian, who — I have to be honest — annoys the hell out of me. But, again, I'm not up on what's funny these days."
But some Giants players say they look up to Wilson.
"Hey, some people just don't have the comedy gene," said starting pitcher Tim Lincecum. "I can't grow a good beard, and I admire the great comedians who can."