From a Coach: Issue #18

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

No thanks to me, but my high school's cross country team was really good. The main reason was because of our coach — he would really push us hard to the point of sometimes getting in yelling matches with some of the runners on the team.

One day he got into it with our team captain, Anthony, who yelled out that he was going to quit if coach didn't back off. Eventually tensions calmed down and practice started. We headed out on a long run that was in a very different route. Eventually we realized were we were … in Anthony's neighborhood, then Anthony's street, and then in front of Anthony's house, where my coach stopped running and went up to the front door and knocked. "Mrs. Rhoads," he said when Anthony's mom opened the door. "Anthony told me today that he is going to quit. What do you think about that?"

No one challenged coach the rest of the season.

– Mike

My high school baseball coach was a dirty old man. He had a bunch of hilariously inappropriate sayings, but the one I remember the best was when he told us that he wanted us to be aggressive on the basepaths.

"If you get a single, I want you looking to extend it into a double. If you're on first, I want you trying to steal. Why? I don't need to tell you boys. Second base is the titties."

– Darren

I coached at a baseball day camp for kids last summer. All the kids were between 8 and 10. I started out by going over my rules. "First of all, I have a no facial hair policy." No one laughed. Fine. Anyway, at the end of the day, one of the kids came up to me with his mustachioed dad, who says: "My son tells me you hate people with facial hair? What is that about?" My lesson: Don't try dry humor on little kids.

– Kirk

My high school D-Line coach was a very intimidating dude with a short temper. Every Tuesday we would have to turn in a sheet of our goals for the week in the locker room before practice. He would collect them, give them a quick once over, and move on.

One particular Tuesday, he was getting the sheet from our biggest guy, and as he was reading it, got this furious look on his face like he was gonna punch someone. He then yells out, "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF GOAL IS THIS, BENJAMIN? GROW A BIGGER PENIS? THAT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN."

The guy looks back with a dumbfounded look on his face and Coach just started laughing and walked away.

– Eddie

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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.