8 Ways to Reinvigorate the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

1. Rely more on the SI brand undefined – Image 1

Sports Illustrated pumps out 50 issues year behind the reporting and feature writing of its roster of journalists and personalities and then one week decides to just completely ditch them for models in skimpy swimsuits? In the middle of NBA, NHL, and college basketball season, with spring training right around the corner? It makes no sense. What about the SI loyalists who still want to enjoy their favorite writers?

The point being: Let's see Peter King in some swim trunks drinking a Starbucks latte in the pool at the Pittsburgh Westin.

2. More PhotoShop

As beautiful as the swimsuit models are, their photos are still touched up in PhotoShop. Relying even more on PhotoShop would appeal to a younger demo, allowing SI to become the rare magazine that helps generate memes. If you're retouching some cellulite on a supermodel, why not PhotoShop a bikini onto the pepper-spraying Occupy cop?

3. New model coverings

Hot women in body paint was neat for a while, but it's old now. Let's get rid of the paint. Why not cover women in wallpaper? Or maybe spackle. If paint worked, people will want to see models in all kinds of wall coverings. SI could get Lowe's or Home Depot to sponsor it and make a mint.

4. Different locations

Beautiful beaches and lush jungles have been done over and over again. Those locales are unoriginal and boring. You know where it would be interesting to see women in bikinis? On the moon, for one example. Take that, world. We put hot women on the moon just to sell one magazine issue. America is better than you.

5. More diversity in the models

There are models of all colors and races in the swimsuit issue. But there could be more. Disagree? Racist.

6. Reboot the 'Athletes and Their Wives' section

Some athletes have very attractive wives. But do you know who is more attractive than their wives? Their girlfriends. An "Athletes and Their Mistresses/Groupies" section would be a lot more fun to look at.

7. Scratch and sniff

Sure, this could be utilized for disgusting and perverted means. But that's sort of the point of the swimsuit issue in the first place. It would appeal to the issue's core readers. And for the rest of us, maybe it would be interesting to see what Kate Upton's scapula smells like. For science!

8. Nudity

People would probably enjoy seeing these women naked.