Tom Brady = The Rich, Handsome Kid
He has it all. He's rich, he has the nicest clothes and the hottest girlfriend in school (although his clothes are a bit on the dandy side). Everyone hates him. Because everyone wishes they were him.
Eli Manning = The Dork in Bloom
Every moment of his elementary and middle school years were spent stuffed inside a locker, getting his underwear pulled over his head or having spitballs shot at his face. He was the biggest dork in the entire grade. But suddenly he's starting to come into his own. He's made a few sports teams. Girls are starting to notice him. Who knows, he might even grow up to be the richest and most successful graduate in his whole class.
Ray Lewis = The "Reformed" Juvenile Offender
A few years ago he was sent to juvey for being involved in a really violent incident. Now he's back and claims to be a big Christian. It seems insincere but everyone is too terrified to call him on it. His circle of friends hang on every word he says because he knows where they live.
Chad Ochocinco = The Washed-Up Athlete
He was great at sports when he was younger. Everyone assumed he would be a star. Then it all fell apart. Maybe he peaked too early, maybe he got too cocky. But the only reason he's even on the team is because the coach is hoping somehow he'll capture his potential again one day. He won't and will spend the rest of his years telling stories about how he dominated 7th grade football.
Joe Flacco = The Awkward Puberty Kid
Some kids mature gracefully. Not this one. He's physically and socially awkward and has an unfortunate unibrow and mustache. The worst part is that he thinks he's awesome and that everyone is just jealous of how great he is. In reality, he just has body odor and all but his closest friends are creeped-out by his presence.
Jim Harbaugh = The Overly-Excited Teacher
WHO'S READY TO LEARN TODAY?! Holy crap. This guy loves his job so much. No one has ever been this intense about being a teacher. He's up on his desk, jumping, yelling — and, in the process, pissing off all of his colleagues who don't want to hear a maniac yelling from three classrooms away.
Tom Coughlin = The Extremely Nervous Teacher
It's pretty easy to get this guy riled up. If one thing is out of place in his room or if anything in class happens that is outside of his lesson plan, he'll turn red and start sweating. A lot of kids will mess with him because of this. Who knows why he even got into a profession that stresses him out so much. But when students graduate and move on, they'll look back at him as one of their best teachers.
Bill Belichick = The Evil Principal
Many principals just want to keep order in their school to enable the education of the student body. Not this guy. He loves his job simply because it allows him to punish everyone and be an ass to people who are powerless to do anything in return. He's loathsome. And that's his goal. The opportunity to be a dick and put a girl on detention for being 2 seconds late to lunch is what gets him out of bed every day. He'll die angry and alone. So, in a way, happy.