From a Coach: Issue #16

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

I was a freshman in high school, but it was a small high school so everyone was practically on the varsity team. My freshman year I was standing next to a coach, who was also a gym teacher, and a senior on the team and overheard them talking. Coach says to the senior, "Yeah, it was so big he must pass out anytime he gets hard."

That coach later had a incident in the school where an angry daughter of his caught him cheating and dumped a bag of his sex toys on the gym floor in the middle of a class.

– Steve

At the end of every basketball season, my basketball coach met with all of the players individually to debrief and talk about off-season workouts and the next season. I was a three-sport athlete, but quit football and baseball before my junior year to completely focus on basketball. I had a good junior year, but as a senior we went a disappointing 14-12, I hurt my ankle and I even lost my starting job for a few games in the middle of the season. Fast-forward to my debriefing meeting with coach and he leads off with: "You know, you probably have to wonder if basketball was the right sport for you." He really knew how to cheer a guy up.

– Ben

At my low-budget high school my basketball coach had to work a wide variety of jobs at the school, where he was a chemistry teacher and even was Santa Claus for our annual family Christmas breakfast. I waited in the line full of kids eager to meet Santa, and when it was finally my turn I got up there and generously asked him for more playing time, but he responded with: "Go take a lap … and Merry Christmas!"

I ended up riding the bench the entire season.

– Henry

Our high school baseball coach just didn't quite have it all there. He also taught PE/Health classes, as every coach had to teach something, and he wasn't exactly qualified to teach anything else. During Health, on the section about alcohol, he had us watch the movie "Shattered Spirits", with Martin Sheen playing an alcoholic dad. Our coach was a recovering alcoholic himself, but instead on focusing on the dangers of alcohol, he had us watch the scene where Sheen's character falls to the ground and his head bounces off it. "That's great acting right there, watch his head actually bounce off the ground now, y'all".

He was also known for his epic response to questions. When asked whether he thought we would have a game tomorrow after it had rained so much today: "Well that all depends on how much sun we get tonight." When asked by a not-so-athletic kid in gym class if he thought it was going to rain: "What do I look like, a damn geologist?!? Get dressed, tubby."

– Evan

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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.