THE ROB GRONKOWSKI
Directions: Pop open a bottle of Cristal and pour it all over a famous porn star. Then drink the Cristal off of her or just have sex with her or drink the champagne off or her while having sex with her. Violently spike the bottle on the ground when done.
THE BILL BELICHICK
Directions: Fill up a cocktail shaker with bleach and gasoline. Shake well. Splash the mixture into the face of someone nearby. Set it on fire. Then laugh.
THE VERNON DAVIS
Directions: Fill a glass to the top with Champagne. Then weep into it to taste.
THE JOE FLACCO
Directions: Show up at a cocktail party with an expired can of Keystone Light. Then complain if no one gives you credit for supplying the booze and making the party awesome.
THE ELI MANNING
Directions: Fill a sippy cup with Juicy Juice. Then ask your mom if it's okay to have juice or if you should instead have milk or water. Pour out the Juicy Juice and have milk. Let milk sit while you watch the first 10 minutes of Sponge Bob. Then drink.
THE BRANDON JACOBS
Directions: Get a huge, thick, glass beer stein. Fill it with a wine spritzer and top it with an umbrella. Drink while avoiding contact with anyone at the bar.
THE CHAD OCHOCINCO
Directions: Do absolutely nothing. Tweet later that you're thirsty.
THE VINCE WILFORK
Directions: Do shots of mayonnaise until you get drunk.
THE TED GINN
Directions: Order any drink. When it is handed to you, drop it on the ground and then clutch your leg in pain.
THE ED REED
Directions: Fill a glass with all the best, top-shelf liquors. Take a quick sip and then lateral the glass to anyone you know nearby.