Report: Gary Bettman Has Had a Serious Concussion Since 1993

With concussions continuing to plague the NHL and several of its best players, there is a report circulating that the problem of brain injury extends all the way to the top of the league.

"I've had several doctors tell me recently about the symptoms related to brain injury," said Brendan Shanahan, an NHL vice president and the league's head of discipline. "I can't help but think that based on his decision-making, Gary Bettman has been seriously concussed for most of the last 20 years."

While Bettman is widely considered as completely incompetent, a severe concussion would explain many of his decisions since becoming NHL commissioner in 1993.

"Even with a severely concussed brain, it doesn't get him completely off the hook. I mean, putting the NHL on Versus? Even a brain functioning at 5-percent wouldn't do that. That's a full lobotomy decision," said Shanahan. "But you still have to think that much of what Bettman has done over the years was a desperate cry for help. You almost have to feel bad for the weird little guy."

Bettman insists that he has suffered no brain injuries.

"I've been tested," he said. "While I do suffer from depression and a constant, loud buzzing in my ears, that is completely due to the fact that I am booed everywhere I go. Those symptoms aren't because of a concussion. The tests showed that my brain is fine, and that I just happen to be very unintelligent. So that's good."