An exhausted Kevin Garnett asked Celtics head coach Doc Rivers last night during Boston's latest loss if it would be okay if he limits his defensive effort to intimidating glares and screams directed in the general direction of the opponent.
"I honestly don't know how many more times I can run up and down the court," said Garnett. "At least not without a rest in between. It's like, 90-something feet, I think. And they want you to do it over and over and over again."
Garnett, a 17-year NBA veteran, says he is confident he can intimidate the man he is guarding while sitting in the lane, waiting for the Celtics to return on offense.
"I've been perfecting my glare for almost 20 years," he said, going into an elaborate glaring, screaming and flexing routine that lasted nearly five minutes. "My glare can bore a hole right through the back of a man's head. Even from 90-feet away, which is where I will be sitting or, more likely, laying."
While Rivers admits that age and the wear and tear of more than 1,300 NBA games has caught up to his once-athletic and energetic star, he is not quite ready to allow Garnett to sit on the court through half of every game.
"I think he just needs to be smarter with how he uses his energy at his age," says Rivers. "Maybe if he didn't tire himself out so much screaming and flexing and punching his chest, he'd have enough left in the tank to still, you know, contribute as a basketball player."
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Garnett said regarding his coach's suggestion, punching his chest, most likely signifying that he did not agree with what Rivers had to say.