Every Christmas Story is About Tim Tebow


"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Everyone used to laugh and call Tim Tebow names. But one day his coach was forced to start him. Thanks to the bright light that exudes from him for all to see, Tebow got the job done and everyone loved him and shouted out with glee. Tebow went down in history.

"A Christmas Carol"

A mean, old boss (Scrooge Elway) mistreats his best employee (Tebow Cratchit) even though Tebow is a hard worker who is dedicated to the company and makes it a success.

One night, Scrooge Elway is visited by three ghosts: the Ghost of Christmas Past, who shows him horrifying footage of Kyle Orton; the Ghost of Christmas Present, who takes him to see another miraculous late-game Tebow comeback; and, finally, the Ghost of Christmas Future, who shows Scrooge Elway a post-Super Bowl championship victory speech by Tebow, in which Tebow asks everyone to remember Elway, recently dead due to lightning strike.

Scrooge Elway comes to realize the error of his ways and accepts and loves Tebow. In doing so, Elway receives salvation.

"A Charlie Brown Christmas"

A young, idealistic boy (Charlie Tebow) believes that the quarterback position has become too commercial. All anyone seems to care about is who is the biggest, or who can throw the farthest or with the most accuracy. People have forgotten the true meaning of playing quarterback: to win games. So Charlie Tebow seeks to remind everyone what playing football is all about. At first, everyone laughs at his bare-bones, no-frills performances. Yet he is not discouraged and soon everyone else remembers the true purpose of quarterbacking, too.

"How The Grinch Stole Christmas!"

The Grinch, also known as The Elway, is a bitter, self-centered, horrific-looking beast who lives at the top of Sports Authority Field in a luxury box. His only companion is his faithful dog, Fox. On the field below The Grinch lives the Broncwhos, a warm-hearted people who love football.

Annoyed by the Broncwhos happiness, The Elway descends on the field during the fourth quarter in hopes of "keeping another comeback from coming." He trades Tim Tebow's best receiver and refuses to give Tebow a vote of confidence. Yet the Broncwhos carry right along happily winning even without all the usual football trappings, and The Elway Grinch comes to the realization that there is more to winning football than just a pro-style offense. His heart grows two sizes that day and, best of all, his teeth shrink fives sizes.

The Christmas story in the Bible

And there were in the same city fans abiding in their seats, putting up billboards by night.

And, lo, John Fox came upon them, and Kyle Orton highlight footage shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And John Fox said unto them, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is given this day in the city of Denver a Savior, which is Tim Tebow.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Tebow wrapped in muscles, screaming in the end zone."

And suddenly there was with John Fox a multitude of wins and Broncos fans praising him, and saying,

"Glory to Tebow in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men."