NBA Cancels Season After Hearing that Steve Doesn’t Care that the Lockout Is Over

News that the 2011-2012 NBA season would be played thanks to a surprise labor deal gave way to an announcement today by league commissioner David Stern that the season would indeed be cancelled.

"While everyone involved with the NBA and our millions of fans around the world were excited about the news, it turns out Steve thinks the NBA sucks and wishes the whole season would have been lost," said Stern. "So that obviously changes things. The season is off."

Steve, of course, works in your office and is of the opinion that the NBA is full of "greedy players and owners" who could "learn a thing or two about the real world by losing millions of dollars." He also strongly believes that the NBA game "sucks and no one tries and I never watch any of their games, except some of the playoffs."

All good points by Steve, which Stern acknowledged in his press conference.

"I said from Day 1 of the lockout that we wouldn't restart the season unless everyone in the world professed a love for the NBA," he said. "Based on Steve's comments, that obviously hasn't happened. So I must shutter the league, perhaps for good unless we can convince Steve to give us a shot."

That's not likely, says Steve.

"Again, I might watch a few games during the playoffs if there's nothing else on, but that's it," he said. "I mean, if it's the NBA or soccer? I guess I'll go with the NBA because soccer is completely gay."

FIFA president Sepp Blatter is about to hold a press conference to address Steve's comments on soccer's gayness and will reportedly halt competitive play worldwide.