A day after the announcement that celebrity socialite Kim Kardashian had filed for divorce from Kris Humphries, a representative of Lamar Odom released a statement reassuring fans that the NBA player and his hog bride Khloe Kardashian are still betrothed.
"There have been rumors that Khloe has moved out of the home she shares with Lamar, taking with her her jewel-encrusted feeding trough and her vast collection of custom-reinforced Spanx," the statement read. "These rumors are completely false."
The couple, who have been married since 2009, have put their private lives on display via several reality television programs on the E! network. Their show KhloÃ© & Lamar, which premiered earlier this year, has kept viewers in the loop about the trials they've faced within their relationship.
"When Lamar said 'for better or worse,' he truly meant it," the statement explained. "And the same goes for Khloe, except she said 'for cheddar or wurst.'"
With the NBA lockout still in effect, Odom has been able to devote greater attention to loving and feeding his wife, who prefers her food blended into a paste so that it can be funneled more efficiently into her eager, salivating maw.
"My girl has done everything for a Klondike bar!!!" Odom recently tweeted.
Kardashian, who once posed nude for PETA despite her rapturous appreciation for ingesting animals, has reportedly been introducing new activities into the relationship with hopes of strengthening their marriage.
TMZ recently spotted the pair on a couples retreat in Maui, where Kardashian had arranged a game for the two called "hamball," which combined each of their favorite pastimes. Later, it was reported that Odom left a trail of pot pies for Kardashian leading from the beach and into their suite.
Though her marriage remains intact, Kardashian expressed sadness over her sister's divorce on Twitter.
"SO SAD KRIS AND KIM!! Plz offer condollenses by shopping Kardashian Kollection 4 Sears, thx <3."
"Also plz look out 4 my new movies 'The Pelican Beef' and 'V For Velveeta' comin out sooooon," she added.
A phone message to Odom was not immediately returned, but sources close to the Laker suggest that he will trade up for his wife's newly single older sister by the end of the year.