Chris Bosh Shows Up for Season Opener Like a Moron

Miami Heat power forward Chris Bosh arrived in New York City today ready to play in his team's scheduled 2011-2012 season opener against the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.

"I'm pumped and ready to go," said Bosh. "I guess the rest of the guys missed the flight, but I'm sure they'll be here soon enough. We've got some unfinished business after the way last year's Finals ended."

Bosh said he has kept a pretty low profile during the offseason and has focused on preparing for the 2011-2012 season.

"I circled one date on my calendar — November 2nd, our opener at the Knicks," he said. "I didn't pay attention to anything else."

"Chris Bosh is a moron," said a Heat player who asked to remain anonymous, but is Lebron James. "The reason he doesn't know there is a lockout is A) because he is a moron. And B) because he doesn't hear from any other NBA players during the offseason because we all think he's weird and annoying."

Upon arriving in New York, Bosh tweeted out to his Twitter followers: "Ready for tomorrow night's game at MSG. Heat fans, you here in support?" A follower responded: "Are you joking? There's a lockout, idiot." To which Bosh tweeted back: "Lockout. LOL."

Bosh later left his hotel and went to Madison Square Garden for practice, but was barred from entering. He tweeted: "They don't even want to let us in the arena. Scared. Their hate fuels me."

After returning to his hotel, Bosh was forced to leave because his debit card payment had been rejected due to insufficient funds. "Apparently I haven't been paid in months," he tweeted. "They say there's a lockout? For real? How long has this been going on?"

Sources close to the owner-player negotiations say that an agreement is expected to be reached soon. "One of the main goals of both sides was to play a joke on Bosh, who is a moron," said the source. "With that done, I expect that we'll wrap this up in a few days."