Jesus to Attend Tim Tebow’s Season Debut

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A huge game for the Denver Broncos this Sunday has become an even bigger event with the news that Jesus may be attending to watch Tim Tebow make his first start at quarterback of the season.

"Yep, from what I'm hearing, He is coming down for it," said Broncos media relations director, Jimmy Lester. "He would be watching it anyway, of course, but He wants to experience the atmosphere in the stadium firsthand."

The game will be held in Miami in Tebow's home state, and tickets were already hard to come by. Now prices have skyrocketed with word of Jesus Christ's planned attendance.

"I'm so pumped for this game!" said one Dolphins season ticket holder. "I want to tailgate and party with the J-man! Can you imagine how awesome he'd be at a tailgate? Making water into wine, growing your food exponentially … the dude parties like a rock star!"

Theologians are split over whether Jesus's appearance at Sun Life Stadium on Sunday counts as His return to Earth as prophesied in the Bible.

"I think you have to look at it as we do modern travel," said Dr. James Tilbon, Theology Department chair at the University of Florida. "Is this trip for business or pleasure? It's for entertainment purposes, to watch Tim kick some ass on the football field, while His return to set up His kingdom on Earth will be business. So I don't this Dolphins-Broncos games is what the Bible speaks of. In fact, if the Bible does reference the Dolphins and Broncos, it would really degrade all of Christianity."

Jesus's attendance has also seen the Vegas line swing heavily in Denver's behavior.

"As everyone knows, Jesus is all-knowing," said Danny Martin, who runs the sports book at Harrah's in Las Vegas. "So I really doubt He'd come all the way down here to watch a loss. That's why you're seeing all the money going to the Broncos."

Broncos media relations staff have made it clear that Christ will not be available for interviews.

"Everything He wanted to say has been written down already," said Lester. "He just wants to watch some football. He's always helping players in spirit, but now He wants to experience a game in-person. For a huge sports fan, Jesus didn't live on Earth during a very good time for sports. He's been looking forward to this trip for 2,000 years."

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