Andy Reid Acknowledges the Door Would Literally Hit Him in the Ass on the Way Out

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid spoke candidly with reporters today about his team's failures and admitted that he has thought about the likelihood that he will be fired.

"Losing your job comes with the territory in the NFL," said Reid. "But in my case, the logistics do cause some additional worries. For example, I'd want to make a dignified exit if I lose my job, but what if I get stuck in the door frame? It's happened to me before — frequently, in fact, and it can be pretty embarrassing."

Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie admitted that Reid's size has helped him stay employed in the past.

"There are times before that I wanted to can him," said Lurie. "After we went 6-10 in 2005 and when we went 8-8 in 2007, in particular. But this franchise invested so much money on various lifts, scooters, specially-made chairs and furniture, floor reinforcement, doorway and hallway widening and the like to accommodate Andy's girth that it made sense to stick with him. But his time may be running out."

Yet while acknowledging that his team has played below expectations this season, Reid said his long-term situation in Philadelphia is ultimately his decision.

"What if I just sit in my desk recliner in my office and refuse to leave?" said Reid. "There's nothing they could do to get me out of there."

But Lurie says that would not be a problem.

"He can stay there as long as he wants, but we're the ones who control his food supply," said the owner. "Those 8-foot party subs he has delivered for breakfast? They won't make it into the team facilities if I stop ordering them for him. Same with the lunchtime pig roast and the dinner cheese crate. After a few weeks, he'll drop below 600 pounds and we'll be able to drag him out with a winch."