Nike to Commemorate 25th Anniversary of "Teen Wolf" by Turning People Into Wolves

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Nike chairman Phil Knight announced today that coming off the success of their limited edition sneakers from "Back to the Future 2", the company will celebrate the 25th anniversary of Michael J. Fox's other seminal 1985 film, "Teen Wolf", by giving 1,500 lucky people the chance to become teenaged wolves.

"Since the public's reaction to the Nike Air Mag was so overwhelmingly positive, we decided to honor the other 1985 Michael J Fox blockbuster by auctioning off the chance for 1500 people to become post pubescent human/wolf hybrids, just like in the movie," Knight told the crowd of reporters at the shoe company's headquarters in Oregon.

Once ingested, the serum, simply labeled "The Wolf", turns even the most mild-mannered and seemingly average person into an exact replica of the film's cocksure and attitudinal protagonist. Nike's Head of Synthetic Lycanthropy, Steve Ford, said that replicating the wolf's basketball skills was one of the most challenging things the company's ever accomplished.

"It's not in a wolf's nature to even play a team sport like basketball, let alone be any good at it, so most of our time was spent honing the kind of skills necessary to get the truest feel of the character," he said.

Added Knight: "With this breakthrough, Nike is proud to be bringing together four extremely enthusiastic and passionate audiences: fans of Michael J. Fox, fans of werewolves, fans of being a teenager, and fans of becoming a teenaged wolf that plays basketball."

The serum will be auctioned off on eBay starting September 18th. Bidding starts at $2,300, but experts predict the desire for people to become teenage wolves could push bids into the neighborhood of $100,000 or more. Proceeds will benefit victims of Congenital Generalized Hypertrichosis, a rare disease that covers most of one's body with hair.

Knight ended the press conference by announcing that Nike and General Motors will unveiled a limited-edition Wolfmobile, and that the company will be auctioning off 1,500 steaming piles of shit to commemorate the 25th anniversary of Teen Wolf, Too.

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