If the Fall Movies Were About Sports


The Debt

Starring: David Stern and Billy Hunter

Summary: NBA commissioner David Stern and elite team of league accountants and attorneys race against the clock to convince NBA players that the league is almost broke. Can they get the players to make serious concessions before the lockout wipes out the whole season?


A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

Starring: Nevin Shapiro and the Miami Hurricanes

Summary: It's recruit visiting weekend at Miami and there are no-holds barred to reel in the top prep players in the nation. Contains constant nudity, violent Jet Ski crashes and at least one abortion.


The Lion King 3D

Starring: Matthew Stafford

Summary: Watch Detroit Lions quarterback and former No. 1 overall draft pick Matthew Stafford grow into the face of the franchise. Marvel at the 3D effects showing gruesome shoulder separations, broken bones, pulled muscles and many more injuries sure to delight the whole family!


Dolphin Tale

Starring: Chad Henne

Summary: Miami Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne has his crap arm replaced by an amazing, prosthetic arm that enables him to lead his team to a miraculous 8-8 season.


Humans vs. Zombies

Starring: Roger Goodell and retired NFL players

Summary: Former NFL players who have been shorted on health care and retirement benefits for years, invade Manhattan to kill NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and feast on his ginger flesh.


The Human Centipede, Part 2: Full Sequence

Starring: Derek Jeter and the Baseball Writers Association of America

Summary: In this documentary about Derek Jeter's chase for 3,000 hits, America's baseball writers are shown as they surgically affixed their mouths to Jeter's anus.


Puss in Boots

Starring: Tom Brady

Summary: Follow the adventures of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady as he goes shopping in a pair of UGG boots.