"Hank Williams, Jr.’s Rowdy Friends Stop By": A Short Play


Scene: Hank Williams, Jr.'s house. There is a knock at the door. Hank opens the door.

[[[chat]]]Hank, Jr.: Carl? Steve? Melissa? Amy? What are you guys doing here?

Rowdy Carl: That's Rowdy Carl, Rowdy Steve, Rowdy Melissa and Rowdy Amy, to you Hank! We're you're rowdy friends! And we're coming over tonight!

Hank, Jr.: But … but what night is it?

Rowdy Steve: It's Tuesday night, Hank.

Hank, Jr.: I thought so. Because I just had you guys over last night, Monday night.

Rowdy Carl: Yeah, and we had a kickass time. And we have a kickass time every Monday night. So we thought, why not make Tuesday nights kickass, too?! WOOOOOOOOOO! [All of the rowdy friends high-five and then do a line of coke.]

Hank, Jr.: Hmmm. Yeah, I don't know. I'm still pretty tired from all the rowdiness last night.

Rowdy Amy: C'mon, Hank. C'mon get ready. I mean reeeeeaaallllly ready. [The "Monday Night Football" theme music starts up. The rowdy friends begin drinking heavily and fighting.]

Hank, Jr.: Wait! No! No! No. Stop the music! STOP THE MUSIC. [The theme music cuts out and the rowdy friends let each other out of headlocks.] Look, I really like all you guys. You know that. You're my rowdy friends. But, I'm 62 years-old. And I've lived a hard life. I can't just be partying it up every night. During football season I need 6 full days to recuperate between the rowdy Monday night partying with you guys. So, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Come on, rowdy friends. Pack up your booze and drugs and head on home. Hank needs his rest.

Rowdy Melissa: Okay. Okay, Hank. We understand. Maybe we can stick around and just hang out. We don't have to be rowdy. What were you planning to do?

Hank, Jr.: Well, that would be great, actually. It would be really nice to get to know you guys outside of rowdy partying. My night's plans? I was planning to do some Sudoku, to be honest.

Rowdy Carl: Sudoku? What's that, like some Japanese heroine or something?

Rowdy Steve: Awesome.

Rowdy Amy: Rowdy.

Rowdy Melissa: Definitely rowdy. Let's do some Sudoku! But first let's get naked.

Hank, Jr.: No. Sudoku is a Japanese logic-based puzzle in which you place numbers. It's very relaxing. Here let me show you. There is a 9-by-9 grid and you have to- [A lamp is broken over Hank Williams, Jr.'s head.] [[[/chat]]]