From a Coach: Issue #9

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

Before our last game of the season for freshman football, our coach gathered us around right before kickoff. With a straight face he told us, "Guys, it's time to rock out with your cocks out." We just stared at him for a long while and got blown out by thirty.

– Devin

During my sophomore year in high school, I was called up to Varsity football at the end of the season, and I will never forget what I heard. Our Defensive Coordinator was a good, Christian man, but had a bit of an anger problem. He constantly yelled, but never swore, which makes the story even better.

One of our starting linebackers was having a particularly bad practice. He was missing tackles, calling out the wrong formations, etc. Halfway through, our DC finally had it. After another blown coverage, he threw down his clipboard, got right in the linebacker's face, and screamed, "Taylor, you are worse than premature ejaculation!" Nobody had a clue how to respond to this.

– Matt

My junior year of football we were playing a team who had won five straight state titles and always pounded us. I'm pretty sure some people would fake injuries and we'd be lucky to field a full roster for the next game. Anyways, our defensive backs coach gave the pregame speech. He had just watched 300 and was going crazy about how we had to fight as underdogs just as they had. Everyone was going nuts! As we ran out onto the field I couldn't help but wonder, "Coach, did you ever FINISH the movie?" We lost.

– Seth

I was at track practice one day and our girls team had begun their workout. Apparently they were not doing too well. So as they came running by our coach looks at us (as we were waiting to start our workout) and went "What are we doing here, raising a goddamn fat farm? Next year we are going to be sponsored by Slim Fast."

– Adam

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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.