From a Coach: Issue #7

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

When playing water polo at my high school in San Diego during my sophomore year, our coach used to try to "motivate" us in bizarre ways. Trying to get us to elevate ourselves higher out of the water to the point he could see our belly buttons by using our legs in an egg beater like rotation, he further motivated us by saying that we should just imagine someone is shoving a Popsicle stick up our butts. I will never receive better words of wisdom in my life.

– Billy

Whenever one of the players on my middle school football would get injured during practice and begin to cry and complain, our assistant coach would run over in his tiny shorts, with his foamy mouth and scream, "You think that's pain, boy! You think that's pain? Try having one of your testicles blown off in Vietnam!" (By the way, he showered in the away locker room after we played a game in the freezing rain, and it was true.)

– David

Our high school football coach had many catch phrases but this one was our favorite, "When you take out your dick to piss, the most important thing in the world at that particular moment is holding that thing out there so you don't get any on your shoes, right? And if it is hitting you in the face you have a really big problem." I think he was making a point on the importance of being focused.

– Steve

One day in high school track, the regular track coaches were away at a senior track meet. The rest of us were left with a substitute coach. His name was Mr. Wang. I am not lying and no he was not Asian. He was some old, white guy with Coke-bottle glasses who looked like Will Ferrell doing Harry Carey on SNL. He gave us the roll sheet and told us all to sign it, even though he was just supposed to call roll and check us off. We all just ended up writing down a bunch of funny names and as luck would have it he ended up calling off the names after we all signed it so we could hear them all … here are some of the odd characters that showed up to track that day: Turd Ferguson, Buster Hymen, Chris P. Nuggets, Don Keeballs, and (my addition to the list) Hoo Flung Poo.

– Devin

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Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.