From a Coach: Issue #6

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

I was on a baseball team in seventh grade and our coach was a real hard ass, to say the least. We were normally a pretty good team, but one game we played particularly poorly and lost handily. After the game, our coach ranted on about playing with heart for a while before losing it and saying "you've disgraced me, yourselves, and the uniforms, but worst of all, you've disgraced the HATS." None of us laughed due to fear of the coach physically assaulting us.

– D

My high school football coach had knack for coming up with the most hilarious euphemisms. He said everything from "Run like a brick on fire" to "You're softer than puppy sh*t in a shoe". But our personal favorite was the time our running back missed the hole and he started screaming, "(Player's name)! You need to run to THIS patch of open grass! There are cows dying all over America looking for this grass, and you're running away from it!"

– Justin

Sophomore year of high school football we had a crazy old assistant coach. He said plenty of funny stuff, but the best was one of the last practices of the year. There was a kid named Riley that no one liked, not even the coaches. So after practice one day our coach calls us all over to him, and tells us to take a knee. He looks over at Riley and follows up with: "Riley spends plenty of time on his knees," and we all lost it. He was Mormon.

– Dylan

The former assistant coach of my high school baseball team (he's been fired) had bipolar disorder. One week during practice, all he could talk about was going fishing over the weekend with his children at a big lake a few hours from our town. So the next Monday during lunch in the lunch room (in front of the entire school – we're a very small school), I asked him how his fishing trip went. He stared at me for a good 5 seconds, then forcefully threw his lunch tray and all the food on it up against the wall of the cafeteria and stormed out. We later found out that he marched straight to the principal's office, grabbed some paper off of the principal's desk and wrote in big letters "I QUIT" and then slammed the paper down on the principal's desk and walked out of the school and left.

Later the same day, he showed up 4 innings into the baseball game, walked across the field in the middle of an inning, sat on the bench, looked at us, and said: "Sorry I'm late guys, I had to beat my kids and lost track of time." Then he just stared intently out at the field for the rest of the game. We were seriously scared he was going to kill us all.

– Don

– – – – –

– – – – –

Send your "Overheard From A Coach", "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" or embarrassing sports apparel and memorabilia you have owned stories to OverheardSP at gmail.