The still-living members of the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins met at a Miami bar last night to celebrate as 14 NFL teams fell short of a perfect season during the opening Sunday of NFL action.
"Week 1 is our favorite week of the season," said running back Mercury Morris. "Every game on the schedule features an outcome we know helps ensure our legacy. What a bunch of losers those teams are!"
Yet while the '72 Dolphins enjoyed seeing the Saints, Falcons, Browns, Steelers, Rams, Chiefs, Titans, Buccaneers, Colts, Panthers, Vikings, Seahawks, Giants and Cowboys go down to defeat, they also grew concerned about some of the winners.
"It was great to see teams like the Saints, Steelers, Falcons and Cowboys lose, because they have talent to make a run at 19-0," said quarterback Bob Greise. "But we also now have a situation where 14 teams are gunning for us. I'm a little worried about the Bengals, to tell you the truth."
"Bob is incredibly drunk," said Morris. "He's had eight bottles of champagne himself just during the 1 o'clock games. The Bengals suck, 1-0 or not. But, yeah, f—k them anyway. They're not on our block."
If a team did manage to stay undefeated through the Super Bowl, the Dolphins say they would celebrate the feat.
"Let's say the Bengals — or whoever — goes 19-0," said Morris. "First of all, it wouldn't be as impressive as what we did in '72 because the competition is so watered-down now. But all that aside, I would send them a bottle of champagne. If it happened to be poisoned, I wouldn't know anything about that."
And while many NFL fans see the members of the '72 Dolphins as old, bitter and mean-spirited, Larry Csonka said he has seen much of that perception fade away in recent years.
"When the Patriots failed to go 19-0, that really brought the rest of country over to our side," said running back Larry Csonka. "We all despised them as one. It helps our image if only truly loathsome teams like the Patriots threaten the record."