The 7 Players on Your Fantasy Football Team

Tom Brady

The Injured Reserve All-Star

Did your fantasy draft just end? Okay. Now be very quiet and listen. Wait for it … wait for it … wait for it … there it is! That was the sound of your top pick's ACL rupturing.

You could cut your losses, release him and pick up a good replacement. But instead you'll waste a roster spot all season on this gimp because you hear rumors that he's going to return ahead of schedule. Of course, he won't return ahead of schedule. In fact, it will be announced that he's out for the season the same week you are eliminated from contention for your league's playoffs.

The Injury Insurance Roster Spot Hog

One of your early picks is injury-prone, so you drafted his backup just in case the starter gets hurt. Only it turns out this will be the one year of his career that your injury-prone guy won't get hurt … so you'll have a roster spot taken up all season by a worthless backup. Thanks a lot for not getting hurt, jerk!

The Guy on Your Bench Having a Career Year

You have five WRs on your team, but the top three are elite receivers and should never not be in your lineup. So no need to get bent out of shape when your fifth receiver has 100 yards and 2 TDs in Week 1. He won't keep it up. It was one game. A fluke.

Okay. No reason to get too bent out of shape when he does it again in Week 2. And Week 3. And Week 4. And Week 5. Okay. Time to put him in the lineup. Sonofabitch! 38 yards and a fumble.

The Training Camp Bust

You drafted this guy because he put up some big numbers in the preseason and you heard he was really wowing people in camp. Every fantasy football talking head says he could be a "breakthrough sleeper." Unfortunately, this under-the-radar player's Hall of Fame bid fizzles out in Week 1 when everyone finds out he's somewhat less productive when not playing against 4th-stringers.

The Homer Pick

While most of your draft is rational and analytic, this pick was entirely faith-based. This guy is on your favorite team, you have his jersey, and there's just no way you can not have him on your fantasy team — even if it means you won't win the league. (Spoiler Alert: No "if." You won't win your league.)

The Amazing Touchdown-Less Superstar

This guy will have a career yardage year, but for some reason — be it bad luck or because his head coach personally wishes you ill — he will almost never find the end zone for those crucial 6-point fantasy scores.

With your team's season on the line, you will lose when this guy has a 150-yard, 0 TD day, and is walloped by your opponent who played a fullback who had had 9 yards and 3 TDs.

The Player You Drunk-Drafted

As your draft dragged on, your blood alcohol level went up. Then you woke up the next morning, rolled over and … whaaaa? Donovan McNabb in the 8th Round? Time to take that walk of shame to the waiver wire.

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