Peyton, Archie Manning Convince Roger Goodell to Adopt "No Hitting or Touching of Necks Rule"

NFL: Preseason-Washington Redskins at Indianapolis Colts
Effective immediately, any NFL defensive player who hits or touches a quarterback's neck will be immediately ejected from play and suspended for 6 games.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced the rule change today after being summoned to meet with Peyton Manning and his father, Archie, at the family's New Orleans home.

"It is my job to look out for the best interests of the NFL," said Goodell, "and it occurred to me today, while being served tea by Archie Manning while, I have to admit, quite fearful that he was going to pour the hot kettle on my lap, that no hitting or touching of quarterback necks should be allowed."

In addition to the no hitting or touching of quarterback necks, defensive players will be subject to ejection if they force a quarterback to move or twist his neck.

"Essentially, if anyone plays too tight of defensive on Peyton's primary receiver, forcing him to turn his neck and look for someone else to throw to, that player will be ejected," said Archie Manning. "I've been pushing for this rule for my boys for years, even before Peyton hurt his neck."

A third provision in the rule allows the Colts to use as many timeouts as needed, or even reschedule games, in order to give medical attention to Manning's neck. The Giants also have a similar right, should Eli Manning sustain an injury or suffer a blow to his self-esteem.

Despite having some scalding water dumped on his arm, Goodell did not give in to Archie's demands that interceptions be outlawed.

"Thankfully all of the water was gone when my skin started coming off," said Goodell. "If there had been enough to burn down to the bone, we'd probably be days away from the best season in Eli's career."

The final part of the new rule prohibits any opposing players who have fully-functioning necks from playing in games against the Colts.

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