Neurologist: "Tests show Sidney Crosby isn’t just some big pussy"

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NHL superstar Sidney Crosby underwent another battery of tests for lingering concussion symptoms this week and the results are in.

"It's good news and bad news," said Dr. Emmitt Ralston of The Neurology Center at the University of Toronto. "The good news is that, despite Crosby's perception among many NHL fans, he's not being a big pussy. He's a tough kid. It's just that he has suffered a serious injury. That would be the bad news part."

Crosby last played in a game on January 5, 2011, and now it is expected he might miss training camp and the start of the NHL regular season — if not longer.

"Missing almost a year for a concussion sounds like classic pussydom," said Dr. Ralston. "And that's what I initially expected to find. In fact, at first we didn't even do any sort of neurological tests. We just sat Sidney down and said: 'Hey, man. Why you being such a pussy?'"

It was only after Crosby repeatedly insisted that he was still experiencing concussion symptoms that Dr. Ralston and his staff relented and conducted a series of brain scans.

"Right before we did the actual neurological exam, I tried one last time and said to him: 'Apussysayswhat?' And even that didn't get him," said Dr. Ralston. "So we got started."

After the results came back, Dr. Ralston had a difference perception of Crosby.

"Did he flop some as a rookie? Sure," said the doctor. "But he's an undersized superstar who gets targeted by the other team's defense every night. No one in hockey works harder. He's a tough kid. I didn't find all of this on the brain scan, by the way, I was just watching some of his YouTube clips while he was getting scanned. It takes about an hour and I get bored."

When and if Crosby returns to hockey, Dr. Ralston hopes the average fan has a new appreciation for him.

"Let it be known that my medical diagnosis is: 'Sidney Crosby: not a pussy,'" he said.

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