Boston Red Sox: "Just doing our best to keep up with the big-spending Yankees."
New York Yankees: "Just doing our best to keep up with the big-spending Red Sox."
Toronto Blue Jays: "They already got rid of Montreal. We're next."
Baltimore Orioles: "C'mon fans, Cal Ripken attended 2,632 consecutive games and you can't even do 1?"
Tampa Bay Rays: "Why have a roof on a stadium in a city with great weather? Because we can!"
Chicago White Sox: "Loudest manager = best manager."
Cleveland Indians: "Maybe people will notice us when they stop hating Lebron so much."
Kansas City Royals: "Is this actually still a baseball team?"
Minnesota Twins: "We remember every one of Joe Mauer's home runs."
Detroit Tigers: "First place in the worst division is still first place."
L.A. Angels of Anaheim: "L.A.'s only solvent baseball team."
Oakland Athletics: "All of the steroids and none of the records."
Texas Rangers: "Where are the end zones and why are the referees wearing blue?"
Seattle Mariners: "Ruining Ichiro's legacy since 2001."