From a Coach: Issue #1

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

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Our JV baseball team had a coach with a penchant for saying things mostly for shock value. After an away game in which we had played very poorly he ran us in the outfield and then admonished our sloppy play (keep in mind that we are all 15-16 years old). "I don't care if we're playin' the Texas School for the Blind, if we make more that 3 errors, we're screwed!!! Ya'll make me wanna put a gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger!" We were all laughing so hard he made us run again.

- Chris

In high school, I had a soccer coach who I thought was a great guy, but knew next to nothing about the game. This was never more evident then when we were practicing one afternoon and he called us all into a huddle and tried using one of the strangest coaching tactics I've ever heard of at any level.

He began talking about about our annual FIFA video game tournament that we had at the end of each season, then explained that if we moved the ball the way we did when we played FIFA, then we could beat anyone, including Barcelona. Needless to say, none of us saw how playing Xbox made us a better soccer team let alone good enough to beat a team that had Lionel Messi on its roster.

However, we did spend the rest of the practice screaming "A" when ever we passed the ball and "B" whenever shot. That is until we had to run laps for, "disrespect and not staying positive." Which wasn't entirely fair because, as our goalie pointed out to the coach, "we're all positive that you're full of shit."

- Ryan

Our high school football coach once described a play in the following manner: "Forty-six motherf**king Pennsylvania. It's a giant clusterf**k, then she spreads her legs."

- John

I played college baseball in Minnesota and our head coach had a knack for saying totally inappropriate things, but in such a genuine and unaware way. It wasn't until the team lost it in laughter that he even realized what he just said. We often use some of his greatest hits in our everyday conversation now.

We had a hitter who had a dead pull swing and coach was talking to him about the massive foul balls that he would hit to the pull side. He was trying to explain to the hitter that when he swings he can't jerk so hard and pull off the baseball…coach said, "You never want to pull a ball by jerking off!" We lost it.

Coach was talking to the team about setting up their hitting stance and he wanted to make sure our hands were in the right place and the movement was correct…coach said, "You always want to have a little cock in your wrist." We lost it.

Finally, we had a female manager who on the last day of practice took batting practice with the team…coach said, "(Girl's Name), the only girl to ever strap it on for (College Name) baseball!" We lost it.

- Josh

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