Yankees fan Donnie Francesco says he is almost to the point of avoiding "SportsCenter" and all sports news because "he's sick of hearing about the Pittsburgh Pirates all the time."
"It's like no other baseball teams exist," said Francesco. "They're almost the top story on ESPN every night for what feels like forever. It's like they have forgotten that other teams exist."
After a sports record 18 consecutive losing seasons, the low-budget Pirates are in first place in their division in late July for the first time since 1992. Their push for the playoffs has been perhaps the biggest story in baseball in 2011, but Francesco would like to remind everyone that they still suck.
"Look at the standings. They'd be 7 games behind us if they were in the A.L. East," he said. "That's like Toronto Blue Jays territory. Oooooh. Congratulations. You're as great as the Blue Jays. Go away now. You're not the Yankees and never will be."
Francesco also bragged that he's "never even heard of the National League Central" and that the Pirates haven't beaten the Yankees since the 1960 World Series "or whatever, which my Uncle Vito says was rigged anyway. He knows a guy who did it."
While his patience is wearing thin, Francesco says he would be willing to hear more about the Pirates under one circumstance — if the Yankees acquire all their good players.
"What's that black guy they have with the hair? McClatchmon or something?" he said. "I heard he's pretty good. We should get him for Chris Dickerson. I think the Pirates make that trade. It would be an honor for them to get a Yankee. It would be like winning a championship for those guys."