The Gym: Issue #15

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

Probably the most humiliating moment of my life happened at the gym.

It was in college and I was using the gym on campus. It was a Sunday afternoon and I decided to go to the gym because my girlfriend was hungover from a night out were her friends the night before. I worked in on the bench with another guy who was lifting alone and we got to talking. He goes into a story about his escapades out the night before and tells a story of this hot girl he hooked up with and how it led to a three-way. I wasn't interested, but whatever.

It turned out, based on his descriptions — specifically of piercing and also of a clover tattoo right beside the one girl's uh … area — that he had a three-way with my girlfriend and her roommate.

So, yeah, we broke up. She had no idea how I knew about what had happened. I just told her "I know a lot of stuff." I think it sounded less creepy at the time.

– Dan

I go to a Bally's in the metro Detroit area, which I enjoy because there are very few people lifting during the afternoon … though I may have discovered why.

There's this kid, who's probably 19 or 20 years-old who is in there almost every day. He rocks the same black tank top, black shorts, skateboard shoes and headphones.

I realize this may be tough to visualize but, he plays "air bass" and "drum kit" during his whole workout. Now, he seems to have no use for the "air guitar," it's only the bass and drums.

At any moment, he'll start flailing wildly, playing his imaginary bass or drums while headbanging like crazy – with an occasional grunt thrown in there. Yesterday, he scared a couple people away, when he went into what I can only describe as a lengthy drum solo. Wish I could somehow grab video of this mess, because it truly has to be seen to be believed. What a tool.

– Fred

A few months ago, this new meathead walked into the gym and so not to be rude, I introduce myself and make small talk for a minute. I go about my business and start my workout while Meathead starts his. The meathead starts hollering like he's going through labor as he's lifting a lot less weight than a person of his size should be.

I was amazed at how someone of his stature could have the strength of an elderly woman. It clearly annoyed everyone how loud he was, not to mention he would take 5 minute breaks in between sets and rattle off how much he knew about fitness to anyone that would listen. As I'm leaving the gym that day, I couldn't help but notice Meathead pull a family-sized tub of Nesquik out of his gym bag and put about 5 scoops in his shaker, and without missing a beat, he looked at me and said: "I don't need protein!"

He was finally kicked out this week.

– Devin

No amount of mental preparation can save you from the horrific sight of a 60 year old manscaping in the locker room.

– Jay